Do you remember when you noticed it was time to start doing things differently? When you finally grew and learned enough to know what you do and don't deserve. When you got to the point of realizing that it is not your responsibility to fix others, the world, or tolerate less than you deserve?
30. Age 30 for me. This was a pivotal turning point for my life. It was the age I simply stopped giving a sh!t about things that were irrelevant, and draining me of my energy and time. I had put myself through a lot in life, and in love. I have hurt, and been hurt. I have lost, and learned. I have seen the good and survived the bad. I've been let down, and blindsided by the ones closest to me. 30 was the age I decided enough was enough. 30 was the time I washed my hands of the undeserving people and relationships in my life. I released toxic friends, let go of toxic family, started being, speaking and doing the things I find important. I stopped caring about opinions, titles, and outdated traditions/expectations.
I put myself in therapy because I was struggling with a lot of the changes. I needed someone to hear me without judgment. I needed to express myself, fears, traumas, goals in a safe space with someone that I could trust. I needed help, and got it. I did the work. It wasn't easy, and at times can still be difficult- but I know how to handle what I need. I know my triggers, capabilities, boundaries, and above all- SELF. I stopped allowing myself to be treated anything less than human. I stopped accepting excuses for crappy behavior. I stopped allowing others to dictate what I can/can't say, where I should/shouldn't be and most of all, I learned that I don't need validation from a damn soul. I am me- amazing, flawed and fabulous. I've allowed myself to be ignored, mistreated, and even lowered myself SO low as to allow others to pretend not to know me. INSANE, I know- but couldn't see it at the time. I've been put in the position to give fake apologies because that was easier than standing up for myself. I allowed myself to be overlooked, underloved and invisible at times. I've learned who is deserving of my time, love and attention.
I learned about taking care of myself and making mental health my priority. I realized that I am here- a human just the same as the rest. Why I allowed myself to be judged, manipulated, hurt and left out is beyond me- young and didn't know better? There's so many factors that contribute to that, but that's for another day.
Best decision- I started loving me the way I've always deserved to be loved: wholeheartedly, entirely, unconditionally. I stopped allowing the past to direct my future.
So, as a friend, listening ear, curious mind and writer- when did YOU realize you deserved more? Will you be bold enough to step towards all you deserve?
Peace and Love,
Samantha J.
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