We've all been a part of these moments. The moments that may catch you slightly off guard, the ones that make you hesitate and bite your tongue for a second. The times when it's clear to us that "We'd better not". We'd better not speak up, call-out, or acknowledge any of the wrong, right? HA. Comical. We are expected to stand-by and accept less than we deserve. We are expected to be this, wear that, bring this, do that, go here, avoid there, and forever run the rat-race, right? I don't want to.
"I don't want to".
I don't want to participate in things that do not bring me joy. I no longer wish to be around the people that cannot reciprocate my energy, time, love or loyalty. I don't want to be the one quiet in the background while others are enjoying the charades. I want to address the wrongs I've seen and been a part of. I want to write those wrongs. I want to dissect them, study them, and figure out why in the world anyone would think they're better, or more deserving than the person next to them. I want to stand up for myself the way I did as a kid- relentlessly. Fearlessly. Passionately. I want to shine the light on the toxic people and relationships we fill our lives and time with. I want adults to behave like adults (which may be a bit much to ask at times), but I can't help but to have some expectations. I expect better from the people I surround myself with. I expect my name to be defended, because that's what I would do for another. I believe we are all capable of change, growth, learning better habits and applying them. I'm also real enough to know not everyone will be on board with that. Why? Simple. Accountability. Reflection. Breaking the silence may mean uncovering the lies so many believe. Speaking up shines light onto the dark corners others try and try so hard to hide.
I've been called many things in life. Intimidating. Bold. Quirky. Intelligent. Courageous. I've also been called less. I've been titled with opinions, judgements and expectations I didn't ask for...But then, people were ok with making me invisible. I've never minded the solitude, honestly I appreciate time with me more than most. The part I have a hard time accepting, is just that- accepting. I struggle with accepting the disappointment of being hurt, or let down by the ones closest to me. I've been belittled, silenced, bullied, and stifled- for what? For speaking up. For speaking the truth, and for refusing to accept being treated as less than human. I was hidden, I was shunned, I was unwelcome, uninvited, and side-eyed. You thought I didn't see. You thought I was too naïve to believe what was behind the smiles. Here's the thing that nobody tells you about individuals like me. We ALWAYS see the real you, no matter how hard anyone tries to hide it. We see through the fake, we see through the backhandedness. We may let you near, but understand this- we have always known the capabilities. Being let down isn't as painful as it used to be. I'm resilient. I'm unstoppable, and I will no longer accept less. The vibes don't lie, and there's one thing to having psychic medium abilities I've learned- we KNOW. We always know. Don't get us twisted.
The feelings of another person are not mine to manage. Life lesson 8,742,144. If I establish boundaries with an individual, and it upsets them, that is 100% a them issue. IF you encounter moments that you are expressing yourself and find yourself being invalidated, chuck up the deuces and move forward. Don't allow yourself to be held back by old habits, people or relationships. You are not here to manage the emotions of anyone other than yourself (and your kids if applicable).
"Move forward with your head held high, knowing you are worth knowing, loving and supporting. "
You aren't here to be liked- you are here to live a life full of authenticity. You are here to experience all this world has to offer, and embrace the beauty in each moment. Stop thinking it is supposed to be any different, and start taking what the universe is offering you- endless opportunities for change.
Peace and love,
Samantha J.
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